You know you're from New York if (and my reactions):

You say "the city" and expect everyone to know that this means Manhattan.
-True

You have never been to the Statue of Liberty or the Empire State Building.
-Never been to the Statue of Liberty; been up the ESB once when I was very young.

You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park at 3:30 on the Friday before a long weekend, but can�t find Wisconsin on a map.
-Not true! I can find WIsconsin on a map >:( Anyway, everyone knows you take the Downtown A or C down to 42nd Street then transfer to the 1, 2, or 3. Take one of those down to South Ferry. Bada bing!

Hookers and the homeless are invisible.
-True

The subway makes sense.
-Too much sense

You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.
-Damn aight

You've considered stabbing someone just for saying "The Big Apple".
-SO FUCKING TRUE

The most frequently used part of your car is the horn.
-True, and it pisses off the Montanans so much

You call an 8' x 10' plot of patchy grass a yard.
-Yes

You consider Westchester "upstate".
-Hell, I consider Riverdale "upstate"

You think Central Park is "nature."
-True

You see nothing odd about the speed of an auctioneer's speaking.
-Maybe it's a tad fast?

You're paying $1,200 for a studio the size of a walk-in closet and you think it's a "steal."
I'd consider $1,500 a steal for that

You've been to New Jersey twice and got hopelessly lost both times.
-Aunt lives in Dunellen, so unfortunately I've had to venture into the place more than twice. Got lost many a time, however.

You pay more each month to park your car than most people in the U.S. pay in rent.
-If I had a car in New York, yes

You haven't seen more than twelve stars in the night sky since you went away to camp as a kid.
-Not since I've been back in Montana anyway

You go to dinner at 9 and head out to the clubs when most Americans are heading to bed.
-I'm the biggest nerd ever, and even I do this

Your closet is filled with black clothes.
-Yes

You haven't heard the sound of true absolute silence since the 80s, and when you did, it terrified you.
-I've heard it in Montana

You pay $5 without blinking for a beer that cost the bar 28 cents.
-True

You take fashion seriously.
-I suppose?

Being truly alone makes you nervous.
-Lived alone in Montana for two years; adjusted fine

You have 27 different menus next to your telephone.
-More than that

Going to Brooklyn is considered a "road trip."
-Yes

America west of the Hudson is still theoretical to you.
-Basically, yes

You've gotten jaywalking down to an art form.
-YES!!!! :D :D :D

You take a taxi to get to your health club to exercise.
-My excercise consists solely of walking to and fro

Your idea of personal space is no one actually standing on your toes.
-True

$50 worth of groceries fit in one paper bag.
-Damn right

You have a minimum of five "worst cab ride ever" stories.
-Only two. Three if you count the Supershuttle to LaGuardia

You don't notice sirens anymore.
-True, although my Californian/British roommates notice them. Keeps them up all night :D I love watching them suffer

You live in a building with a larger population than most American towns.
-600 people in my building, so yes maybe?

Your doorman is Russian, your grocer is Korean your deli man is Israeli, your building super is Italian, your laundry guy is Chinese, your favorite bartender is Irish, your favorite diner owner is Greek, the watchseller on your corner is Senegalese, your last cabbie was Pakistani, your newsstand guy is Indian and your favorite falafel guy is Egyptian.
-Basically, yes

You're suspicious of strangers who are actually nice to you.
-Why wouldn't I be?

You secretly envy cabbies for their driving skills.
-I admit this openly

You think $7.00 to cross a bridge is a fair price.
-True

Your door has more than three locks.
-Two locks

Your favorite movie has DeNiro in it.
-South Park doesn't have DeNiro :(

You consider eye contact an act of overt aggression.
-When people on the street/subway make eye contact with me, I do get freaked out. So yes

You run when you see a flashing "Do Not Walk" sign at the intersection.
-No need to run in this case; it almost always flashes long enough to cross leasurely. Any real New Yorker knows this.

You're 35 years old and don't have a driver's license.
-20 and yes I have one

You ride in a subway car with no air conditioning just because there are seats available.
-Hell no!

You're willing to take in strange people as roommates simply to help pay the rent.
-Yes

There is no North and South. It's uptown or downtown.
-Exactly

When you're away from home, you miss "real" pizza and "real" bagels.
-Why wouldn't I?

You know the differences between all the different Ray's Pizzas.
-Yes. The one on Broadway and 55th is always missing Pepperoni

You're not in the least bit interested in going to Times Square on New Year's Eve.
-True

Your internal clock is permanently set to know when Alternate Side of the Street parking regulations are in effect.
-Don't have a car in the city

You know what a bodega is.
-A deli with flowers at the front

You know how to fold the New York Times in half, vertically, so that you can read it on the subway or bus without knocking off other passenger's hats.
-I, like all real New Yorkers, read the Post instead

Someone bumps into you, and you check for your wallet.....
-All the time

You cringe at hearing people pronounce Houston St. like the city in Texas
-I do

Film crews on your block annoy you, not excite you.
-SO MOTHERFUCKING TRUE! Will Smith was filming one of his liberal propoganda flicks around the Village last year, and it was annoying as all fuckout.

I am so jaded :(