Within a handful of weeks, I can look forward to this quarter invading my wallets and my pockets. And as always, NYU's washing machines will pitch a tizzy due to the new quarter's slightly different weight. Man I hate state quarters.
But let's look at the design. A fish, a mountain, and some evergreens. Gee, I wonder what other state has those things. Let's see... Oregon, California, Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, Colorado, Utah, Nevada, Arizona, New Mexico, Maine, New Hampshire, Vermont, New York, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Maryland, West Virginia, Virginia, North Carolina, Tennessee, Kentucky, South Carolina, Georgia, Arkansas, Missouri, Alaska, and Hawaii.
You are one of the most unique states in the country, and this is what you have to show for it? I can think of tons of ideas that would make for a better Washington state quarter. How's about a portrait of Bill Gates on the coin's front, the Windows logo on the back, with the words "In DOS we trust" inscribed on the front. That would be so sweet.
Or how's about this: a picture of a delightfully delicious Venti Java Chip Frappuccino on the front, with the Starbucks logo on the back. Speaking of which, just thinking about such a thing makes me hungry. BRB, gonna go make a run to the local Starbucks and put more money into my Seattle overlords' pockets.
*runs to Starbucks*
*sees four hobos in Washington Square*
*trips over a midgit on Broadway*
*laughs at the "frozen Democrats" outside Starbucks*
*stands on line for a mere five minutes despite the fact that 20 people are ahead of me*
*recieves his Frap and stumbles back*
OK, back. And I didn't drink it all on the way back! Still have half left, in fact.
What was I talking about again? Oh yeah, I remember. I experienced the most professional servicing from a Vietnamese prostitute over in Alphabit City the other day. They grow them well in 'Nam.
Oh wait, now I remember. I was talking about state quarters, NOT Vietnamese prostitutes.
Since Washington is statistically the least religious state in America, another cool idea for its state quarter would be to change the slogan to "In God we DON'T trust." They can have the Darwin fishie with cute little legs on the front, with a map of Canada + Washington (what Canada would look like after Washington secedes to join Canada) on the back. Maybe somewhere within this map they can have a mini picture of that Lenin statue they have in Seattle, and have "In COMMIES we trust" just below it. I'd disagree with the communist tidbit, but the Darwinian front would make the scientist in me smile.
Or how's about a ratty old house with a hippy bus parked in the driveway (why is it that you park on a driveway and drive on a parkway? That question confounds me to this day). Washington is full of aging, past-their-prime hippies with ratty houses and hippy buses. On the back can be a flower with the slogan "FLOWER POWER."
*remembers that George Washington's portrait is on the front of all state quarters, so the fronts cannot legally be changed according to US Mint regulations*
*doesn't care*
You know who has the best state quarter? Indiana. Take a look:
If this quarter doesn't kick ass, I don't know what does. Nothing is more unique to Indiana than Indy racing. I mean, it's hundreds of miles of barren flatland, with a faceless who-gives-a-shit city slap bang in the middle and a gawdawful dump (Gary) in the state's North. The fact that the state was able to pinpoint the only good, unique thing about this otherwise generic fly-over state is worthy of applause. Indycar racing is wonderful for one reason: it's racing, but it's NOT Nascar. It's Nascar's main competition. It's Nascar without the Southern rednecks. It's Nascar without the suck. I live for the Indianapolis 500 (actually, I've never taken the time to watch it before, but nevermind that little technicality). Idaho, your state quarter comes out next. Take note of Indiana. If you put "famous potatoes" on your quarter, I'm going to have to prank-call some local pizzerias in protest. I could call in with a thick Southern accent and ask for grits on my pizza, and demand that anyone other than a black guy make it. That'd teach Idaho a lesson for sure.
