Holy shit, the vending machines downstares suck

A few minutes ago I made a run downstares to the vending machines to buy lunch (a Snickers Bar and a bag of Sun Chips) with three $1 bills.

Well, have I got horrors to tell you. I put the first bill in the vending machine, and it SPIT THE BILL BACK OUT! Not since I attempted to use a Sacagawea Dollar have I recieved so much disrespect by a vending machines.

Then I run FIVE FUCKING FLIGHTS up stairs to my room to get another dollar, then back down again. I insert this bill into the vending machine, and it just takes the dollar without even spitting it back out! What the bloody fucking hell is wrong with this situation???

So I walk up to the guard and tell him the vending machine isn't working, and he gave me a strange look and asked why I was asking HIM, since he was the security guard. Good question!

I go back to my arch nemesis, Sir Vending Machine of Lobbynia for a duel. I shake him around a bit. No luck. Naturally, I decided to insert another dollar. Hey! This time it credited me with $2! Excellent.

So I insert the final dollar to complete the purchase of my balanced lunch. It spits it back out. Knowing this is my last dollar, I try again and again. After seventeen tries, I realize that the machine isn't budging. But, when I press the coin return button for my $2 back, it just sits and stares at me. I am now out $2. Sir Vending may have won the battle, but I will win the war!

My life is so great that even my miseries are epic.